I’ve had Glory to Glory by William Matthews from Bethel on repeat for the past week and seriously, it’s too good. There’s this line in one of the verses that says, “and until we reach that day love conquers everything.” And man, it gets me every time!! One week later I’m still trying to decipher what “love conquers everything” looks like in my personal life. I’ve recently been questioning if God is truly enough for me and if love really conquers every fear and lie that has made its stronghold in my heart. Which has thus led me to question my motives in pursuing the cross and whether or not if I truly trust God is good—this is heavy stuff, my friends.
This season has been so hard yet so affirming. In every aspect of my doubt, He has proved himself faithful time and time again. However, in my own strength it doesn’t make sense. How can God love me when I pursue other idols? Why in the depths of my own whoredom does He find me redeemable? How did He knowingly choose to submit to the cross when there is a possibility that I would never serve Him? How does that make sense? It doesn’t… and I think that was my problem for far too long. I tend to put God on the same level as people in my life and base our relationship off of my parents and I’s relationship. Yikes.
How comforting is it to know God is nothing like my parents. His love is steadfast, and never failing. He keeps His word and chose me—even if I chose to never acknowledge His existence. But seriously, this seems so elementary to repeat Jesus loves me but seriously, Jesus loves me… like really, really loves me. I just, wow, that’s all I can say… wow. This love is so hard for me to grasp because I’ve never had the best picture of love in my life. And for a man who never personally knew me on this side of Heaven to come down from His throne to show me the ultimate sacrifice of love is heavy and carries so significance to me because that is love, that is what love should look like and emulate in every literal aspect. That’s the only way I know how to love because it’s the only thing that makes sense to me because I’ve seen love on the other side of Heaven and it’s a patriarch of self-fulfilling desires and misused Bible verses. If love is really patient and kind then why are we acting the opposite and expecting scripture to be fulfilled and aligned with our lives?! Loaded question, I know, I know. The answer is sin and sin sucks.
I am so sinful and broken and in dire need of a Savior. I must remind myself daily that the spirit that lives in me rose Jesus from the grave. And that same love that held Jesus to the cross is the same love that conquers every fear, every rejection, every hurt, every feeling of abandonment, resentment, and apathy I feel on the daily. This love is supernatural and cannot be compared to the best of love found on this earth for it is far, far better than any love we will ever receive. As I’m typing this I’m reminding myself of this very truth—no one can love me like Jesus. But we will strive with reckless abandonment from ourselves to love like our Jesus.
What a savior—